This morning I started down a road called 'self-pity'. It's a road I have traveled many times. You know the road...'I can't even get one second to myself because for some reason no one in the house can find anything on their own!' 'The moment I get on the phone someone needs something at that very second!'
For some reason the road of 'self-pity' is a saved favorite in the gps of my mind and emotions.
At times I wake up and declare, "I refuse to travel the same pitiful road today!"
But my actions are no different. I don't stop to declare God's word over my life, my family. I don't use even one minute out of my 24 hours I have in a day to ask for God's grace for my day.
I quickly get ushered into the crazed-filled morning of having three young'uns wanting breakfast, needing milk, yelling "all done", but no way in hades are you about to leave the table with oatmeal smeared all over your face, hands, and clothes! Quick get the wipes from upstairs, quick run back downstairs to get the clothes caked with dried oatmeal off and new ones on. Oh, wait! I smell something not so pleasant from my youngest who is still in diapers. Grab the wipes and dag-on it! Only one wipe left and by the smell of things, one measley little wipe will NOT do the job. Aaaggghh! Let's run back upstairs to grab a full container of wipes, dash down the stairs to tackle some business.
In an instant, I have all three children either yelling my name, crying because one stepped on a toy that was supposed to have been cleaned up the night before, and hearing the other say, "uh-oh". I never realized how those two syllables (are they even real syllables?) could evoke instant fear into me. The results of those two uttered sounds in my household never is a good thing.
'Uh-oh' is right. My two year old opened up the box of cereal I had packed in our bag the night before, so I would not be late this time to my playdate today, and dumped it all out onto the carpet. Nice.
It can go on and on from there but the anxiety in me is welling up even as I write this. Good stopping point. But can you see why I need God's grace? Grace...equipping me to do what I cannot do in my own strength.
God knows how hard and exhausting raising kids are. Every little 'uh-oh', cry, mess, exploding diaper, just chips away at even the strongest of hearts. With every child born, God has given every parent the capabilities needed to raise that child the way God designed. We as parents need the power of God's grace to do our job well and stay sane! We desperately need it. How many of us ask for it?
But I have realized that if I do not take a moment to whisper, think a quiet thought, or even yell out to my God before the day starts, I automatically hed north on that dredded road of self-pity. If my actions that put me back on that road do not change, then destination self-pity here I come.
Isn't that the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results. Huh.
I don't want to be insane. Not really in my plan of life. So, I will take my minute before "crazy" starts and declare, "God has not given me a spirit of fear and timidity, but of strength, power, love, self-discipline and a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7